My Forever Nester Story

A few years ago, I started thinking about the term Empty Nester and how there wasn’t a name for those of us who would never be one. I thought about my youngest daughter who would, because of her disability and need for full care, live with me forever. It hit me that I was the opposite of an Empty Nester – I was a Forever Nester.

I loved it. I even bought the domain name – just in case I ever found the time to blog, or something. I had no reservations about being a Forever Nester and I knew that it was the best decision for my daughter. I was excited to have found a name for the next season of my life. After all, Empty Nesters had one, we should too.

Since that time, life has changed A LOT. A couple of years ago, my daughter’s biggest challenge was having quadriplegic cerebral palsy. That was hard enough. Now, thanks to an ever lengthening list of new diagnoses, she’s considered medically complex. Just when I think we’ve found our new normal, we’re hit with another challenge.

I’ll be honest, this is NOT what I thought my life as a Forever Nester would look like. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, which is why I thought it deserved its own name. Calling myself a Forever Nester differentiated my situation from that of my Empty Nester friends. It still does, of course, but being a Forever Nester also defines my life in ways I didn’t expect. It impacts every decision I make and how I show up for every other role in my life.

Here’s the thing – it’s HARD, but it’s not bad. I’m still absolutely confident that my being a Forever Nester is the best decision for my daughter. I’ve learned how to fully appreciate the good days while being simultaneously prepared for the next tough one. I’ve learned how to create a home that serves the needs of my family. I’ve learned the value of connecting with others who, although not in the same boat, are navigating similar waters.

I believe that good can come from hard situations, but the impact will be less if we seclude ourselves and hide our story. My hope is that, by sharing some of my Forever Nester experiences, other parents of children with disabilities or medical challenges might feel a little more understood and a little less alone.